Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
