you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
