You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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