I am puke
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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