then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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