someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize