Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
