it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
