I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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