why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
