Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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