I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my liver is dry heaving
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
