living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
