Your face is a jimmy john
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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