dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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