I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
