There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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