But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
