lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
