i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
