i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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