In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
