She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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