have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
