Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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