You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
