John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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