HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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