I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
