we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
