Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize