tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
