My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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