he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize