kristin has been a bad kristin
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
