im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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