I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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