A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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