when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
