im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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