One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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