I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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