Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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