I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
