so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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