Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
