he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
