Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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