you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
