Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
