I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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