She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
