"it" just moved
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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