Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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