True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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