It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
