He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
