There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize