Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
