I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
