Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
