Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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