drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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