Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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