so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
