plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
