Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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