I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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