And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
