I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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