mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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