I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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