yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no you cant smoke seaweed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
