And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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