at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
