Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
