i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
