Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
