That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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