listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
