WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
