I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
