you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
