Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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