You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
