I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
