So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
birth control should be required to get into college
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
