someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
