yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
