He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
