If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
