The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
