ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
