Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
