Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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