The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
