Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
