Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
