obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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