Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
