Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
