Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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