yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
