I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize