I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
