its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
