um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize