Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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