and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
