So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
