His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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