I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
