Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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