i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
