Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
