We need to rekindle our bromance
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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