just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
