Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
