My friends, they love my intelligence
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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