the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
