Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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