I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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