yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
