marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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